Bandwagon

There's a bandwagon that's been going around our town, so I decided to jump on. And then I slipped and fell off. And then it ran over me.

Whenever I start to hear that other people are pregnant and I feel a twinge of jealousy, that is when I know it is time for another baby. Seems like lately half the people I know are pregnant. So, I too jumped on that bandwagon.

I found out I was pregnant the day before Christmas break started. I was excited, but for some reason, I also felt reserved about it. Like I suspected something might go wrong. We didn't even mention it to anyone-not even Josh's parents or grandparents while they were here for Christmas, because, like I said, I had a feeling something might go wrong.

I never started to feel sick or tired or pregnant in anyway. So, when I started having severe cramping and then started bleeding on New Year's Eve, I wasn't surprised, chalked it up to a miscarriage, felt grateful that it happened early on rather than further down the road, and hoped we could move on and get pregnant again soon.

After more severe cramping on January 2nd, I went to Urgent Care where they checked me (concerned with potential ectopic pregnancy) and everything looked good, so they sent me home, and I confess, they got my hopes up. Maybe I wouldn't miscarry after all.

The next day, Sunday, there was no denying it. I miscarried. I was disappointed, but handled it pretty well. I know that miscarriages happen and that if you want to have lots of kids, chances are, it will happen at some point. Again, I just felt grateful that it happened so early on.

So, the doctor had me start coming in to check my hcg (pregnancy hormone) levels in my blood every few days. They were still going up. I thought that seemed strange, doctor said it was normal.

Monday of this week I had a follow up ultrasound, just to make sure everything looked good and clean. Doctor said everything looked fine but wanted me to do one more hcg blood test to make sure the numbers were finally dropping.

She called yesterday morning and said that they had gone up again, quite a bit. She used the words "which is scary." Not words you want to hear out of your doctor's mouth. She sent me to have an ultrasound with a radiologist yesterday afternoon with the assumption that it was ectopic. I was then to go to the hospital for a shot of some medication that would help dissolve the pregnancy.

The ultrasound showed an ectopic pregnancy-that appeared to have ruptured. Very dangerous. They sent me straight to the ER where they sent me straight to the women's hospital for surgery. So, last night I had laproscopic surgery to remove it and my left tube. Then they sent me home about midnight. Not quite the day I expected to have when I woke up yesterday morning. :)

I should mention that through all of this I was feeling no pain. (Other than the severe cramping almost 2 weeks ago.) The doctors and nurses were completely floored by this. I should have been in intense pain. Things should have been much worse. I thank my Heavenly Father that they weren't and I am grateful for the Priesthood to bless me at times like this.

So, that is my story. I thought you all should know. Might as well just tell it like it is, I don't need any secrets. Physically I am doing quite well-surprisingly well, although that might be the Percoset. :) Emotionally I am doing well too.

When I got home last night I had strong feelings of being blessed in so many ways, so many tender mercies. Blessed to have a husband who takes such sweet and tender care of me, for a cousin who came and watch my boys till the middle of the night, for a friend who has been there done that on this sort of thing and could give me advice and comfort, for doctors and nurses who were amazing, for a Heavenly Father, Savior and Holy Ghost who comforted me when I was FREAKED OUT about having surgery (I do not do well with hospitals and blood and such). So many things.

As I write this post I can think of several of my close friends and family who have had similar experiences, or other much worse experiences with wanting a baby. I hope you all know that I think about you and pray for you. Being a woman and mother can present difficult challenges. Just hope you know that I care-I really do.

And now, I get to spend the day on the couch while Josh takes care of the boys. Sweet! :)