I Love Short Little People!

How lucky am I that I get to spend my days with miniature people?

Today has been particularly sweet. I volunteered in Nathan's classroom (something I LOVE doing but haven't gotten to do enough of this year due to things like random and unexpected surgery or the Swine Flu) and got to chat with all sorts of crazy kids. I watched them as they ate their snack and slobbered things like yogurt all down the fronts of their jackets and smeared it all around their mouths and just grinned to myself because it's just flat out cute. I love their carefreeness, their excitement as they all try to tell me things at the same time, their innocence.

Also, Nathan announced his ambitions today. We were talking about college this morning because Thursdays are "college day" at his school. They are supposed to wear college paraphernalia (Go Cougs!) and whatever. I was telling the boys that college is fun because you get to pick whatever it is that you like to learn about and take classes all about it. I said daddy picked chemistry and mommy picked social work. Nathan said "I think I will either do engineer (and no, he doesn't mean like mechanical or electrical. He means driving a train.) or monster truck driver." Awesome Nathan! :)

Dal is 2. I know you already knew that, but I mean Dal is 2. It is like someone flipped a switch and he is completely 2 now. And he is determined. He isn't the yell at you sort of determined. He is the "I'm going to do whatever I want (quietly) no matter how many times you try to change my course." He learned to get out of his crib last week. Bummer. Yesterday at nap time I went in to put him back in his bed 3 times. When I checked on him later he was out cold...on the rocking chair! Oh well. He slept for more than 3 hours there (due to lack of sleep the night before with his new found getting out of the crib excitement). Whatever works I guess.

And Jack. Jack is getting too big and too smart. I told him today that I am really noticing that he is maturing (had to explain what that meant) and getting ready to be a kindergartner. Then I told him that I an NOT cool with that. He grinned and laughed because this is our joke. Mommy doesn't want him to leave her and go to kindergarten next year-and he can't wait!

Loveable Little Cutie

This morning as Dal climbed tenderly and gently (as tenderly and gently as a 2 year old can) over me to snuggle up next to me as I lay, slightly invalided (I just created a new word) on the couch, I was struck by the memory that two years ago this very morning I also lay, not on a couch but on a bed, slightly invalided, with Dal in my arms.

Yes, and Tuesday night, as I lay on a hospital gurney I was struck with the memory that two years previously on that same night I also laid on a hospital gurney, waiting for something to come out of me. No luck for me that night two years ago though. I had to wait another 26 hours for that to happen.

Today is Dal's birthday, although given the current situation in our home we are going to wait until Saturday to celebrate. But I couldn't let this day pass without reminiscing about my sweet little angel.

Dal was the roughest of my babies so far. Forty two hours of labor, and no, I am not exaggerating, my most painful delivery, the most difficult of my babies what with his reflux and issues with dairy in the beginning, but over and over I am struck by just how worth it he is.

Of course that sounds cliche because every mother feels that way about her child. But Dal is a bright spot in my life every single day. When he was little I got in the habit of singing "You are my Sunshine" to him every night at bed and the words ring true. He is my little sunshine.

Sure, this little sunshine is turning 2 and with that comes the glories of tantrums and opinions, but let's just say that after dealing with one of his brothers before him (I won't name names), Dal is a walk in the park. (And of course I love afore-mentioned un-named brother for many various reasons as well-his state as a 2 year old simply not being one of them.)

I was asking Dal's two grandmother's for words to describe him for a project I am working on and the words they came up with are "loveable" and "little cutie." How else can you describe this little guy? He is a charmer, a people person, he has his own fan club and I think it is a toss up to determine whether cousin Laura or neighbor Tala is the President (with Josh and I of course being the founders of the club).

There is nothing more to say about this kid but that he is sweet, fun, loveable, compassionate, kind, adorable, wonderful. He has dimples and blue eyes to top it all off. I am just flat out in love.

Lately Dal likes to sing to himself. In the car the other day he was singing 'Ho yo, ho yo, pirate's life for me." Sometimes he hits, but honestly, the look on his face when he hits me makes me want to laugh so much that it is hard to get mad at him.

The one other big personality trait of Dal that must be mentioned, is that he wants to be exactly like his big brothers. Anything they say or do is gospel to him and he WILL do it too-do not ask any other questions. You will not stop him from being one of the boys. And one of the boys he is. I am so glad.

I love him. I am so amazingly glad that he became a part of my life two years ago today. My little perfection.

Bandwagon

There's a bandwagon that's been going around our town, so I decided to jump on. And then I slipped and fell off. And then it ran over me.

Whenever I start to hear that other people are pregnant and I feel a twinge of jealousy, that is when I know it is time for another baby. Seems like lately half the people I know are pregnant. So, I too jumped on that bandwagon.

I found out I was pregnant the day before Christmas break started. I was excited, but for some reason, I also felt reserved about it. Like I suspected something might go wrong. We didn't even mention it to anyone-not even Josh's parents or grandparents while they were here for Christmas, because, like I said, I had a feeling something might go wrong.

I never started to feel sick or tired or pregnant in anyway. So, when I started having severe cramping and then started bleeding on New Year's Eve, I wasn't surprised, chalked it up to a miscarriage, felt grateful that it happened early on rather than further down the road, and hoped we could move on and get pregnant again soon.

After more severe cramping on January 2nd, I went to Urgent Care where they checked me (concerned with potential ectopic pregnancy) and everything looked good, so they sent me home, and I confess, they got my hopes up. Maybe I wouldn't miscarry after all.

The next day, Sunday, there was no denying it. I miscarried. I was disappointed, but handled it pretty well. I know that miscarriages happen and that if you want to have lots of kids, chances are, it will happen at some point. Again, I just felt grateful that it happened so early on.

So, the doctor had me start coming in to check my hcg (pregnancy hormone) levels in my blood every few days. They were still going up. I thought that seemed strange, doctor said it was normal.

Monday of this week I had a follow up ultrasound, just to make sure everything looked good and clean. Doctor said everything looked fine but wanted me to do one more hcg blood test to make sure the numbers were finally dropping.

She called yesterday morning and said that they had gone up again, quite a bit. She used the words "which is scary." Not words you want to hear out of your doctor's mouth. She sent me to have an ultrasound with a radiologist yesterday afternoon with the assumption that it was ectopic. I was then to go to the hospital for a shot of some medication that would help dissolve the pregnancy.

The ultrasound showed an ectopic pregnancy-that appeared to have ruptured. Very dangerous. They sent me straight to the ER where they sent me straight to the women's hospital for surgery. So, last night I had laproscopic surgery to remove it and my left tube. Then they sent me home about midnight. Not quite the day I expected to have when I woke up yesterday morning. :)

I should mention that through all of this I was feeling no pain. (Other than the severe cramping almost 2 weeks ago.) The doctors and nurses were completely floored by this. I should have been in intense pain. Things should have been much worse. I thank my Heavenly Father that they weren't and I am grateful for the Priesthood to bless me at times like this.

So, that is my story. I thought you all should know. Might as well just tell it like it is, I don't need any secrets. Physically I am doing quite well-surprisingly well, although that might be the Percoset. :) Emotionally I am doing well too.

When I got home last night I had strong feelings of being blessed in so many ways, so many tender mercies. Blessed to have a husband who takes such sweet and tender care of me, for a cousin who came and watch my boys till the middle of the night, for a friend who has been there done that on this sort of thing and could give me advice and comfort, for doctors and nurses who were amazing, for a Heavenly Father, Savior and Holy Ghost who comforted me when I was FREAKED OUT about having surgery (I do not do well with hospitals and blood and such). So many things.

As I write this post I can think of several of my close friends and family who have had similar experiences, or other much worse experiences with wanting a baby. I hope you all know that I think about you and pray for you. Being a woman and mother can present difficult challenges. Just hope you know that I care-I really do.

And now, I get to spend the day on the couch while Josh takes care of the boys. Sweet! :)

I have been waiting and waiting...

for this....
and no, I don't mean the dragon face painting, although that is cool too. Look at that missing front tooth! Does anything say cute like a freckle faced, toothless 6 year old? I wish we could get both front teeth out at the same time, but that first one was loose for like 9 months before we got it out, so I am thinking we have about 5 months to go on the other.

And just for fun, my little Spiderman: (the boys had a day full of birthday party fun yesterday-two parties in one day, face painting at the first one. Oh, and I love the cupcake crumb face)

And this picture brings to mind the oft quoted phrase in our home recently "You're mean! I don't want you for a (insert title here, ie daddy, mommy, brother) anymore!" (Cute little stinker)

Pure Bliss

Happiness is...finding the recipe, the real, genuine recipe, for the California Pizza Kitchen Thai Peanut Chicken Pizza online. What more can I say?Recipe

"And mom and dad can hardly wait..."

There are a number of things about the Christmas song quoted above that don't seem to fit for us. Never this year could I say "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" as I was out and about in San Diego, unless you count Christmas lights wrapped around palm trees. Which I don't.

"And mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again." Also not true. I love having all three of my boys home with me, so breaks from school are my favorite. They have been sleeping in past 8 every morning and I love not having to rush Nathan out the door. We have had a really fun week with the perfect balance of fun family activities and plenty of down time.

Monday, Josh's parents were still here and the weather was nice, so we went hiking at the Torrey Pines mesa-overlooking the ocean.

Dallen insisted on hiking on his own. Look at that determination!

Jack got a big scrape on his leg and had to ride for a while.
Now you have to know that Jack is getting completely sick of mom and her camera. Nathan? Always a willing participant. Here he is winking for the camera:

On Thursday, New Year's Eve, during the day we went to the Birch Aquarium. Nathan went here last year on a field trip and has been desperate to go back, so he was thrilled. Jack's highlight were the tiny seahorses which of course he took on as his persona immediately. "I am that cute little one mom!"

We saw tons of fish, got eaten by a shark:

And got hands on in the tide pools:
New Year's Eve was the highlight of the whole break for me. We all stayed up till midnight, except Dal. First we ate finger foods like chips and dip and crackers and cheese and beef stick-gotta have those, it's tradition! Then we played Wii bowling (Dal was awake for all of this). Then we watched a movie as a family-Night at the Museum 2-and by then it was almost midnight. After banging on a few pots and pans, we shuffled the kids off to dreamland. It was a perfect night. Perfect.

Saturday we went down the road to the Miramar Base Air Museum-free admission and a little boy's dream come true. And since we have 3 little boys, I guess we will be going back, regularly. The boys were in heaven. Jack was giddy with excitement and declared that he is going to be a pilot when he grows up, but "don't worry mom-I will come home."
And so, alas, it is with a sigh that I put myself to bed now, because tomorrow it is back to normal life.

New Year's Revolution

This morning Jack mentioned his New Year's "Revolution." I got a kick out of that. Yes, let's have a revolution, not just a simple resolution or a goal. And for Jack and his goal for this year-set by me :)-it might just take that. Jack's goal this year is to stop saying mean words. We'll see how that goes. :)

But anyway, I have a great resolution this year-a theme for my year, and here it is:

I will learn to say no to the things that don't matter so that I can say yes to the things that do.

I am too prone to saying yes to everything. Usually though, the yes is to myself and my big ideas that I am forever coming up with. They are always good ideas (or at least I think so), but on the grand scheme of things they aren't the things that matter most and I am starting to feel stretched too thin, so I will learn to say no when it doesn't matter so that I can say yes when it does.

This will take some work for me because I still want to be the person I want to be-someone who others can turn to for help, someone who serves. I just need to make sure that the things I take the time to do for others are the things that matter most.

I set a goal for Nathan too. Am I allowed to set goals for other people? :) He will stop sucking his thumb this year. I warned him weeks ago. We agreed-I would stop nagging him about it and he could suck all he wanted, until Jan. 1st. And then it's cold turkey. I caught him sucking it once today and put Tabasco sauce on it. He was not happy. :) Mean mom.